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Divorce can be a very traumatic event in a person’s life. Those who find themselves in a situation that leads to divorce feel betrayed, shocked, inferior, depressed, belittled and angered by what is happening. However, it is not wise to try and keep a relationship going if there is no hope and once every possible solution has been considered and discussed by you both.

It is especially important not to force yourself to try to make a failed marriage work “for the children”. Relationships end for reasons–usually that they weren’t the best ones to start with, although it’s also true that people can grow apart or one of them can just change so utterly that they aren’t who the other married any longer–and the best thing to do for the children in a divorce situation is to work it out in as much of a civilized way as is possible and be honest and rational with the children.

Unfortunately, the problem is that many divorces are that simple as one or either of the parties involved can be vindictive or hostile towards the other. Even in those divorces where this isn’t the case the first thing that is going to be of interest to each party after child custody issues is money and assets. In some ways a marriage is very similar to a business deal and that is now being broken up. You need to understand and be able to navigate through any problems so that it all turns out right in the end. So you will need to come up with some kind of divorce strategy and tactics, although not very romantic are a necessity.

Your strategy should be one that helps you to achieve what you want. So for example are you interested in having the house or just a share of the equity in it so that you are able to make it own your own whilst these changes take place in your life? But whatever your strategy is you need to be aware that you should be putting yourself up as the sacrificial lamb. Although you may think your being nice, this isn’t what divorce is about. It’s about each party being fair and just and this won’t happen if you don’t have strategies in place to ensure that you get what you feel is rightly yours.

Your tactics are the moves you are going to utilize and play out in order to realize your strategic goal. Having great tactics is like having a great chess game: they set you up to win, and they are intended to block or counteract any unjust or unfair moves made by your ex-spouse-to-be. They have to be well calculated; tactics are no place for overly emotional reactions, as that leaves you vulnerable. In the divorce situation, stresses can make a normally kind person into a vicious enemy who wants to take all that you feel belongs to you. You must never back down from you tactics unless they aren’t working.

If the divorce is going to be contested - because either of you does not accept what is happening, or you cannot agree a settlement that is fair then be prepared to wait a couple of years before the papers finally get signed. So when it comes to divorce don’t set your heart on getting the final settlement done with in a specific time period or by a specific date.

Make sure you consult a recommended or known divorce lawyer on all of your tactics and your divorce strategy. Again, while not romantic, divorce lawyers are usually a very important part of the divorce process.

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